im still here!!!!!!!!!!!!

is anyone there???????  i swear, im still around!!!!!!!!!

i havent forgotten any of you!!!!!!!!

im still workin it. 

im down a total of 17lbs.  not nearly enough to make me happy, but im stickin to it.

i did finish the 30 day shred with jillian michaels.  im very proud of myself for doing it. 

and have found that i LOOOOOOOOOVVEEEEEEEEEE getting up at 5am to work out.  i feel so freaking fantastic for the rest of the day.  it really is amazing.  i have only skipped 2 workouts since the beginning of feb. 

however, the results of the 30days with jillian really kind of disappointed me.  i lost more freaking weight before i started working out than i did in the 30 days with her.  sounds kinda fucked up to me.  i have a theory though, and i think that this is because this dvd is a lot of strength training.  and this dvd definitely toned more than burned fat. 

my mom says she can see in my midsection that the workouts are definitely working, so i keep at it.  plus i can see my biceps coming back!  woot!!!!!!

ive slacked on journaling my food though in the last couple weeks.  and im pissed at myself for that.

so, this past monday i started workin with the biggest loser cardio max dvd again.  and im excited to see what happens with it.  the last time i worked out and lost weight, this was my DVD......  this dvd ROCKED.  and im loving it so far.  i can feel it in places that jillians dvd did not touch.  so, awesome. 

hows everyone else out there doing???????  ive been so overwhelmed with school and work and my kids that i just have NOT had the moments free to get in touch with all my girls. 

i hope you are all kickin ass and takin names. 

hey there good lookin.... been awhile...

holy shit. 

seriously?  i havent posted since jan 26?  good god i suck. 

and ive had all these awesome people commenting and talking to me and ive been so neglectful and just a really bad internet friend.

i sowwy.  you forgive me?  pwease???????

so, yea, life is effin busy.  like way busier than it should be.   and i have a sinus infection that is killing me slowly. 

so between the kids, work, school, new babies in my life, and feeling like complete ass, something had to get neglected, and well, i sorry, it was the internet. 

but, this lifestyle food change has been going quite well. 

i cant remember what i lost last week, but im down a hair over 12lbs now.  and thats JUST by changing what i eat & drinking a TONNNNNNNNNNNNN of water every day.  i have not exercised like at all. 

ok, i lied, i was on the elliptical for seriously 5 minutes once last week. 

no, im not kidding. 

and, since one of my BFFs IRL and i booked a trip to vegas for april, this skinny bitch wanna be has decided that i need to lose faster.  or at least tone it up while im at it.  cuz, really, 12lbs in a month is fantabulous, its like 3lbs a week averaged out, and i cannot complain. 

but its been a month, so i need to kick it up a notch.

sooooooooo, today??????

today im going to start letting jillian michaels kick my ass.  again. 

today is going to be day 1 of the 30 day shred program. 

i know what you're thinking..........  why today?  why start on a thursday for cripes sake right?  (thats what the BFF said when i was telling her the plan the other day anyway)

well, heres why.  im not a morning person.  ever.  but, in order to fully get the benefits of a 30day program, you have to work out all 30days right? 

well, tuesdays & wednesdays i cannot work out after work.  so that means i have to get my fat lazy sleepy ass off the couch at 5am and work out on those days. 

well, for someone thats used to being a slug, thats an insurmountable task. 

HOWEVER.

my theory is that if i workout in the evenings / days thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, and monday, ill be feelin pretty damn good by tuesday and will be more likely to say ok, i can DO THIS when that godforsaken alarm clock goes off at 5 on tuesday morning.  because im not gonna wanna ruin my 5 day streak. 

so, hopefully my internal pep talks are going to work. 

wish me luck bitches :)

i love you all and will seriously catch up & visit all of you soon. 

hi there!!!! remember me?????

i suck, i know.  im sorry!!!

but im still here...

and im kickin butt and takin names. 

translation --- im still watchin my calories, and i drink a metric ass ton of water daily. 

im struggling to get the water in on the weekend.  idk why that is.

but when im at work, i drink no less than 128oz of water during that 8 hour period. 

and i get another 40oz in once i get home. 

i only have 1 pop a day.  and its a diet one. 

this week i weighed in today instead of monday.  why?  because monday i felt all puffy and swollen and i just felt like poo. 

so i weighed in today. 

and HEYYYYYYYYYYY, im down another 4.7 taking me to 9lbs.  yayyyyyyyyyy

wah-hoooooooooooo!!!!!!

i do need to get into some work out routine, but im really just not that into it yet. 

ill get there.  for real.  just not ready yet.  too much craziness going on. 

i need to make this eating & water thing a true habit before i add in more stuff. 

hows everyone else doin out there????????

im late, im late, for a very important date...

so, yea, i suck.

ive been doing that thing that always bites me in the ASS. 

avoiding. 

ive been avoiding posting because i didnt want to admit that i was highly upset @ the scale on monday.

i gained 5lbs from last week. 

5 fucking pounds.  WTF.

im still down 5, but come ON.

however, in my defense, i know the following things:

1) i should not have weighed in last week after 12 hours of really nasty flu. 

2)  AF is arriving this week and the bitch always brings extra fluid with her

3) i watch the BL,  i KNOW week 2 sucks. 

4)  i did not work out much, except 1 day. 

5)  my boyfriend took us out to dinner saturday night, and even tho i tried to be good, when i logged the food, it was WAAYYYYY bad. 

so, im back to kicking ass & taking names this week. 

and earlier this week, from another bloggy buddy at Our Favorite Things, I found this website, and thats my plan.  I wanna try it. 

hopefully next week, i will be relating GOOD news!

also, i got an awesome award from Dual Mom and I need to do that post....  which i will.....  hopefully tomorrow!!!!!!

hopefully you all are having a better week than me!!!!

question for you:

DO ANY OF YOU OWN THOSE NEW REEBOKS WITH THE SO-CALLED BALANCE BALL TECHNOLOGY????? 

ARE THE WORTH THE $120???????????

go see my buddies:

getting the word out

in my quest to lose weight, ive often forgotten how serious things like eating disorders are.

but they are.

they kill.

go here, and read this post, and see what you can do to help.  

its not about money, its about awareness.  

go help a  bloggy  friend in anyway you can.  

thanks.

What I Meant to Say Wednesday

Joining in on Chief's awesome blog carnival

DO IT, DO IT NOW.

muah-ha-ha-ha-ha

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you so nicely offered me some of that high fat, high calorie crap you brought into the office, and i politely said no thank you....

What I meant to say??

FUCK YES I WANT SOMETHING THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD BAD BAD FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I walked into Subway and you said "hi what can we get for you today" and i said " a 6" veggie on wheat"?

What I meant to say???

GIMME A FUCKIN 12" DOUBLE MEAT, DOUBLE CHEESE, PHILLY CHEESE STEAK ON WHITE. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you guys encourage the continuation of the diet / lifestyle change...  I say thank you...

what i meant to say???

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU

to infinity and beyond. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, yea, go see Chief & join in the awesome fun!!!!!

OH HOT DAMN!!!!!!!

so, in the midst of being sicker than a dog, i weighed in today.

and i am happier than a puppy with two peckers.  

yes, you read that right ;)

my hardwork has paid off!!!!!!!!!

9.7lbs bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck yea!!!!!!!

i still feel pretty much like a bag of smashed assholes, so im gonna leave it at that.  

i owe my ass a pedicure sometime this week :)

off to take some more drugs and sleeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp

love you all.  

thank you so much for the support!!!!!

you really make it easier.

Mondays are scary.

as excited as i am that tomorrow is monday and i get to leave my home that i have been stuck in non-stop for the last 4 whole days with zero contact with the outside world, save for my computer, i am also nervous as HELL.

why??????????

oh, because i have to put my fat ass on that god forsaken scale.

hold me.  im skeered.  

ive been ohsogood this week.  seriously.  even feeling like total and utter shit today, i got on the treadmill.  i did a half hour program @ 3.5mph (which on my short ass legs, damn close to a jog).

i met my activity for the week.

ive met the water requirement everyday except yesterday

ive been close to or under calories everyday.  

and still, when i get IM's from friends of mine saying fuck it, they are going back to corona because even after a week of the flu, watching what she ate, and workin out on the wii fit, she gained 2lbs this week.  

and ive read blogs of others that did really good and still had a gain.  

i know, i know, logically, i know that what i did for myself was better than i was doing.

i know it, i FEEL it.  

i just want that fucking scale to respect it and show it.  

know what im sayin??????

so ill be back tomorrow, to let you know what that evil bastard has to say

fingers crossed!!!!!!!!!!!

but not both hands, ive heard thats bad luck :)

one more thing....

could someone please, 
PUH-LLLLEEEEEEEASEEEE 
come eat the open bag of chocolate chips in my fridge??????  

i cannot bear to just throw them out and they are TAUNTING me people.  rat bastards.

friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidaaaaaayyyyyyyy

its friday!!!!!!!!  

yayyyyyyy!!!!!!

oh, wait, ive been home for 2 days anyway....  so technically wednesday was my friday, and i didnt even know it at the time......

in all honesty, its been a good day.  

if you click my link to see my food diary, you'll see i ate like a starving Ethiopian at dinner, but i cant help it, i cooked a fucking fantastic dinner, and i didnt even mean too.   (no really, it was fuckin delish.  even my picky ass 10yo thought so.  it was sweet n sour roast in the crock pot...  if you want the recipe, lemme know, ill share, its not even that damn bad for you, i just ate a fuckton of it)

its a wonder i dont just float when i walk because of all the goddamn water i drink.  but its good, seriously, and i aint got nothin on chief  when it comes to water consumption (200 oz a day!!!!!  holy FUCK woman!!!!).  i only drink about HALF that, and THAT i considered good....  

i am sitting here enjoying the hell out of a diet pepsi though.  

and i know i shouldnt.  sodium, cut out all pop, bla bla bla....  but you know what????  i earned it.  

we lived thru that nasty ass flu, we didnt kill each other even though its 20 degrees outside, with a windchill of about 2, and theres 7" of snow, so my warm blooded ass does not leave the house, so today, was a good damn day.  

tomorrow im goin grocery shoppin.  

and it is so fuckin sad that i am EXCITED about this.  

*sigh*

happy friday bitches :)

oh, lord, this is NOT a good day :(

HEY YOU GUUUUUUYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(said in my bestest goonie voice)

this is not my happy face. 

oh, the horrors. 

my 4 year old is sick.  like EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW sick. 

has been since midnight. 

and lemme tell ya sompin....  spaghetti puke......

SOOOOOOOO FUCKING NASTY.

annndddddddddd.....  this means im stuck in the house ALL DAY.  cleaning up yuk. 

with nothing to save me from eating all of the bad shit in my house  :(

and totally without thinking, i bought & drank a cappucino from the gas station.

BAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD NEWS. 

:(

today is NOT a good day for trying to lose the fat suit.

heres hoping the rest of YOU have a better day!!

but, help me out.......  how do i stay strong while having ZERO sleep and avoid all the BAD things in my house when all i want is a comfort food???  which as we all know.....  comfort food = a zilllllllion calories & fat!!!!!!!!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i rock, seriously....

i have to keep telling myself shit like that load of crap right there, or else, im gonna go kill a mofo for some chocolate.

bllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

but, i am stickin to the plan --- day 3 here.  and i am rockin it.

i probably ate more than i should have yesterday, but none of it was BAD.  i had toast & coffee thingie (see yesterdays post about that!) for breakfast, a 12" veggie sub on wheat (yuck, but its for a good cause) cuz i was fucking staaaaaaaaarving yesterday ( i really should stick to the 6").... and chili for dinner. 

oh, and seriously, my new freaking addiction ---  fucking tootsie pops bitches.  the original ones.  not the tiny lil waste of time ones. 
me n my tootsie

why??????  because its only 60 calories, it WILL take care of a sweet craving, and it lasts long enough to make it worth it. 

hell to the yes.

aaaaaaannnnnnnddddddddd.  i did my first 15 minutes on an eliptical.  EVER.  yesterday.  it was interesting.  awesome seriously.  waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy better than a treadmill on the knees.  next week im hoping to feel good enough to bump the exercising up to 30 minutes a day of cardio.  but, as much weight as i gained in the last year and half, i just cant fricken do it right now.  baby steps, baby steps. 

so keep on kickin ass all of you!!!!!!!!!  and ill do the same. 

so help me, though, im gonna be so effing pissed off if i get on that scale next week and its NOT a really good number.............

go visit the gals over at Skinny Chics in Sumo suits:

on the second day of chirstmas....

my true love gave to me.......

oh, shit, my bad.   i mean, on the second day of dieting, things are going well :)

yesterday....

had a  6" veggie sub from subway for lunch -- which is like 230 calories and so effing delic!!

then for dinner i had 1-1.5 oz of polish with a TON of kraut and a TON of broccoli & cauliflower.  With the polish only accounting for somewhere between 90-140 calories, I pretty much kicked yesterdays ASS.

Oh, ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, I actually got my fat ass on the treadmill when i got home!  I only did 15 minutes, because, OMG this girl is OUT OF SHAPE!!!  But I also did 15 minutes of stuff on my Wii Fit.  Which was totally fun :)

Oh, and WATER.  I drank SO. MUCH. WATER.  I know for a fact it was well over 80oz yesterday. WOO.  and only 1 pop (and it was diet, so no cals.).  and i didnt drink the whole thing. 

Im very happy with me right now :)

This morning I had 1 piece of toast with some fake butter crap on it and a cold coffee thingie from the store.  WOOO.  i really need to get some OJ up in my house so i can bypass the coffee thingie all together.  some totally lo-cal but tastes all-real OJ.  specially since that damned coffee thingie had like 6g of fucking fat in it!  HOLY HELL.

so im at 210 cal, 7g fat, and .5 fiber for the day.  which is like 5 WW points.  not as good as yesterday, but not bad.  i may go for a whole 12" veggie today.  i is hungry.  and its chili for dinner, which is totally NON bad.  :)

go see these chics.........  they are funny & inspiring....

its a brand new day....

and i started this one off way better than the last idk how many.....

i did NOT get up and workout, which is a bad thing. 

HOWEVER.....  i did only consume 170 calories, 2.5g fat, and 2g fiber for breakfast.  Thats 3 weight watcher points, if counting THAT way. 

Soooooooooo.......  that means i have about 830 calories left for the day.  Or 16-18 points. 

I'm trying to keep caloric intake down to around 1,000.  Thats how I lost (as chief would put it) the ass midget 2 years ago. 

I do plan to work out tonight when I get home.  Maybe, just MAYBE, I'll use and abuse the boyfriend and make him watch my children while I go up to the gym and use their stuff.....  Not likely, but I do have plenty of workout stuff @ my very own house..... 

So, stay tuned for tomorrow..........  If I dont kill myself with a 30 minute workout, I shall return with an update on how I do.........

Burn, baby, burn............